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Editor’s note: This article discusses suicide and suicidal ideation. If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call or text 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org. This story discusses a specific means of suicide to help inform readers of the dangers. We consulted suicide researchers, families and experts in our decision to name the substance.
Bruce Brown thought it was an athletic supplement when he first saw it.
Delivered in a standard UPS package to his home in late 2022, the yellowish-white powder didn’t spark major concern for the Colorado lawyer, whose 17-year-old son Bennett played competitive soccer. Bennett wasn’t staying at home that night, so Brown sent his son a text asking him what the substance was. He never got a response.
Later, Brown learned the horrifying truth: It wasn’t a supplement. It was sodium nitrite − a hazardous chemical compound Bennett ordered to use for ending his own life. Shortly after using the compound the next day, Bennett sought medical attention, but it was too late. He died on the way to the hospital.
“They shipped it in two days to him, and it sold for the price of about $13,” Brown says. “That was the price of my son’s life.”
The low price, the easy shipping, the inconspicuous package − to Brown, it all underscores how accessible this product was. And that’s what he has set out to change.
Overwhelmed with grief, Brown decided to take action. He championed a bill limiting sale of the compound in high concentrations in Colorado. It passed with little opposition and took effect in July.
Now, Brown is advocating for the Youth Poisoning Protection Act, a bill that, if passed, would ban the sale in high concentrations nationwide. Doing so, he hopes, will spare others the tremendous grief he now lives with each day. The bill passed the U.S. House of Representatives in May and is now with the Senate.
“You lose a child, there’s nothing worse,” Brown says. “The grief is immense. It’s never-ending. There’s not an hour that goes by where my mind doesn’t go to Bennett. He was a great kid. He was funny. He was athletic when healthy. He was well-liked. The irony is he never would’ve hurt another person or animal, but yet he took his own life.”
His son died by suicide.He wants every parent to know what he found on his kid’s phone.
Brown says his son’s mental health took a turn amid the pandemic.
Unable to attend school in-person, Bennett became isolated from his peers. He also suffered from long COVID, which gave him severe lung problems. His difficulty breathing often kept him up late into the night and too uncomfortable to leave the house. He was no longer able to do activities that gave him joy. He began to despair.
To make matters worse, Bennett fell and suffered a serious concussion. A 2018 study found an association between concussions and mild traumatic brain injuries with an increased risk of suicide.
“A symptom of concussion is suicide. I did not know that. Nobody ever told me that,” Brown says. “I think that just exacerbated the preexisting sadness that he was feeling.”
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Like many teens, Bennett spent plenty of time online. After his son’s death, Brown learned Bennett visited an online forum where people encourage others to end their lives − and detail various methods for doing so.
It was on this website where, Brown believes, his son learned about sodium nitrite.
A preservative meant for curing meat, sodium nitrite can be lethal at a high concentration. A study published in June from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found sodium nitrite-related suicides have increased in recent years. The CDC attributes this rise in part to forums like the one viewed by Bennett, where it remains a frequently discussed topic. Another study published in January found sodium nitrite self-poisoning to be “an increasingly used planned suicide method among young people.”
Despite its dangers, sodium nitrite remains available for purchase in high concentrations at major retailers − and advocates say there should be more regulation. In Washington, the parents of two teenagers who died by suicide using sodium nitrite sued Amazon, saying their kids purchased the compound through the company’s website. A judge dismissed the lawsuit in June. In October 2022, Amazon instituted a policy limiting the sale of high concentration sodium nitrite.
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Tia Dole, the chief 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline officer at Vibrant Emotional Health, says it’s crucial parents stay vigilant about their children’s web activity. That doesn’t just go for browser history − it also includes which purchases their kids make online.
“Kids are smarter than parents when it comes to online activity, but paying attention to what is being purchased is actually a really big key, because most young people don’t have access to cash,” Dole says. “Make sure you’re looking at your credit card bill. What is it being spent on?”
Suicide prevention experts say restricting access to suicide means − while not the only thing that needs to happen to prevent suicides − is an important and necessary step.
“Access to lethal means matters a lot when it comes to suicide prevention,” says Dr. Christine Yu Moutier, a psychiatrist and chief medical officer at the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. “If you’re worried about your child or anyone in the family, anyone in the home, one of the strongest things you can do is to secure all lethal means. That includes firearms, toxic substances … The key thing for parents is to really dig in and get some education.”
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Restricting access to means might also give someone considering suicide more time to think through their decision and change their mind, Brown says.
Shortly after taking sodium nitrite, Bennett reached out to a relative and said he needed to go to a hospital immediately. Paramedics arrived, but it was too late. He died in the ambulance.
“My son did not want to die,” Brown says. “After he took this poison, he went to a family member and said, ‘I need help.’ That’s really common for people who commit suicide. It is not a well-thought-out act. It is an impetuous act. So if we can employ means restriction in order to interrupt that thought pattern which leads people to the dark place, we can save a lot of lives. And that’s the goal.”
Suicide Lifeline: If you or someone you know may be struggling with suicidal thoughts, you can call the U.S. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 any time, day or night, or chat online.
Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7, confidential support via text message to people in crisis when they text “HOME” to 741741.
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